Update: Make sure to watch the video at the bottom of the post. “How to Stop A Bully”. It’s an amazing video to watch with your kids.
Jillian Michael’s son comes home with a scare on his face, from a kindergartner hitting him. What do you think about her advice to her kids on how to handle bullies?
Honestly, I have to say that this is the advice I’d love to give my kids. “We don’t start fights, but we will finish them!” Jillian tells her kids this is self defense.
Unfortunately, it’s just never that simple. No one ever wants to hear or see that their kids are being miss treated. We want to teach our kids that they need to stand up for themselves, you can’t let people walk all over you.
The problem is, even in self defense, there can be consequences for hurting someone. With kids, the justification of self defense normally will not work. Say kid #1 throws a punch, lets say that punch lands on kids #2 nose, causing a nose bleed but nothing more.
Jillian would say, “Bring it, Bitch!” And tell her kid to punch back, that it’s self defense.
But it’s not. For self defense, you can only use the force necessary to repel the aggression. If kid #2 hit back and broke the other kids nose, was that necessary? Could kid #2 have simply run away and gotten help from a teacher?
Kid #2 could end up in more trouble, with kid #1 not getting in trouble at all.
I don’t know what the perfect thing is to say to our kids, but I’m pretty sure it has to be a mixture, of empathy, consequences, what self defense truly means and filling their tool box with numerous ways to handle bullying and assault.
Jillian’s kids look like good sensitive kids, who have a nice mixture of parenting advice in how to handle conflict, not just Jillian’s point of view. We have to be so careful in giving advice to kids.
I know a few parents who are nice people, but they have been through a lot in life, too many people have taken advantage of them, and so their big message to their kids is not to take any shit.
I’ve seen these kids at school and over at play dates and to these kids that message has translated to them acting like little “Mean Girls”. They are not even old enough to realize that’s what they are doing. It’s sad because, you then see other kids not wanting to play with them or invite them over, and they can’t see it.
The message to your kids of not taking any shit, in the absence of messages about empathy and treating others as you want to be treated, tends to lead to kids who can be mean. Maybe they will never officially get labeled as a bully, but I’ve seen a handful of these kids, and I would not label them as nice.
9 Things You Need to Tell Your Daughter About Mean Girls
…mean girl behavior is perplexing and inconsistent. One day a girl may seem like your daughter’s best friend, the next day she refuses to speak to her. Your job is to help her see that her friend is not truly a friend but controlling instead.
https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-cope-with-mean-girls-460678
How To Stop A Bully
This is one of the best videos I’ve seen on how to stop bullying. The speaker makes a great distinction that bullying is a verbal thing and someone punching you in the face does not fall under bullying but is actually assault.
I would love to hear how you approach this sensitive and difficult conversation with your children.
